there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
