hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
