she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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