You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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