The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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