Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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