Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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