Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Randomize
