You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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