I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
