I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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