guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nutella sex= disaster
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize