I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The best revenge is premature balding
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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