My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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