So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
