you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
