Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
