all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
