shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize