I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
