There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
