my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
