...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize