I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
