your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
