She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
