Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize