She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
