I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
