My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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