Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
