Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
