Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
