Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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