When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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