I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her vagine was all disorganized.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
