Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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