Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
