Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize