the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize