Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
