What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
