I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
