I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
