my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
