Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
