Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize