He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
