If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
