sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
