Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
