Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
