you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
