Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
