Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
