remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
