I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
