ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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