finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
