i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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