I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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