I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
