my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
