I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
