Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
