I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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