When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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