i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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