Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
