I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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