I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
