the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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