you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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