just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
