This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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