Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
