Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
