Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
