I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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