I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
