My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
