i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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