I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
