he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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