she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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