i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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