i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
