true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
