Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
