Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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