Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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