I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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