How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
