I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
