remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
