You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
