they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
