I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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