it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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