just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
