so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
