Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
