I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
