Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
