wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
